Trying to find yourself.

For the longest time I have been looking to the future to figure things out and being in the " I don't know" phase hasn't helped an awful lot. Although I'm still figuring things out I have found out some things.
I know that I'm a dreamer, traveller, lover of adventures that scare and thrill me and ultimately that if I feel like I'm living authentically its not about the destination but about how I get there. I often find myself writing down phrases I hear or well thought out dialogue from different content. I have begun to fill journals with thoughts on myself and the world around me. In a way I like to get to know that kind of people surround myself and their thoughts and ideas, and mine as well. Some are embarrassing to reread but I find it enjoyable to reread what I thought in certain situations.
Depending on the situation I'm in I can feel and energy in the air, sometimes it overcomes me and  lately and it follows with laughter, joy and happiness.
But ultimately I find that as I enter my twenties , I would rather stay inside playing make-believe with moving pictures in my head than party with people I've been told are my friends. I don't know why I was born into the family I was or why my choices have gotten me here.
But I like to remember the feeling I have right now, the overwhelming love I have for the people around me, and the passion I feel when I do the right thing which is often the hard way. But I don't think I would change anything. I'm still trying to find out who I am as a person and what I want out of live.

Finding out your lost...

For the past year people have been asking me what I want to do with my life and honestly I didn't know what to say back to them, In a way I have been lost and I am coming to this conclusion because of a YouTube video I watched by a lovely girl called Katy in which she talks about being in this "i don't know" phase and honestly I didn't know how to describe what I was feeling until I watched her video.
The "i don't know" phase is something real and its hard to be in especially when you see you friends and family members have it so together and know what they want and what they are going to do to make it happen. For me I have never been so scared because I felt like this is where my life stopped. Like the way Katy talked about feeling like what if this is where her life peaked at 19? I honestly feel the same way. I'm questioning everything. The idea that I knew what I wanted for 3 years and then when it came time to decide I froze what does it tell me? that I never really wanted it? I don't know. But for a while I did. and now what do I do?
Honestly I have always seen myself at college but doing what? I could see myself walking around college campus and talking to people but I never nailed down what I wanted to do. I am questioning myself now because I turn 20 in a few months and these are the last few months of my teenage life and I don't want to look back a see a confused girl, which is what I am, another reason I am questioning myself is after going to a friends wedding and seeing my friends doing what they love and looking at my life and wondering if I will find what I love someday.

So today i am starting to look to find myself and what I love to do. From today I promise myself to open up to new experiences and  open my mind to what I thought I knew and to what I now know.

I guess what I am trying to do is leave this phase behind me because I know this year has opened my mind already but I think its time to move on and find myself and be the person I always wanted to be.

adventures to the beach.

So this week my family and I decided to visit Torrevieja as a spur of the moment thing , we decided to have a walk along the beach and have some food.
But we weren't dressed for the beach which turned out to be a good thing as it turned out to be pretty cold even though it was lovely and sunny.

 

the beach for me has always been a relaxing place for me, somewhere to clear my head , and put some perspective on things in life. Its calming and soothing and good for the soul I've always thought. But one of the main reasons for taking the trip is because my sister has decided to return to Ireland so it was a goodbye sort of thing at the same thing as a calming time.

 

 

I honestly love the feeling you get at the beach , the sand between your toes and the wind in your hair with a salty sea left on your skin after you have left the beach. I know most people don't like the feeling of sand after they leave the beach but I do , it to me is like the beach wants to be with you and comfort you after you have left the beach behind.
I guess this post is about if you have a place that you truly enjoy and centres you go to that place more often and enjoy what life throws your way because it may be difficult but honestly it is worth it.

Change, New beginnings.

So I have been trying to write this post for a while now two months in 2015! So the past few months have been some of the hardest of my life, which being honest hasn't been that hard before, I've been through a lot before but moving countries has been the toughest thing that has happened to me. ever.(but enough about that anyway.)
Starting afresh in a new place is strange and throws everything you thought you knew into question.
These five-six months have honestly shown me a world that I have never experienced before. So because of this I wanted to start something new for 2015. I have decided that I am going to try start vlogging about little trips or adventures that I go on. So I don't know when my first vlog will be but I will be posting them here.

I hope your 2015 is going well so far . :)  x