For the past year people have been asking me what I want to do with my life and honestly I didn't know what to say back to them, In a way I have been lost and I am coming to this conclusion because of a YouTube video I watched by a lovely girl called Katy in which she talks about being in this "i don't know" phase and honestly I didn't know how to describe what I was feeling until I watched her video.
The "i don't know" phase is something real and its hard to be in especially when you see you friends and family members have it so together and know what they want and what they are going to do to make it happen. For me I have never been so scared because I felt like this is where my life stopped. Like the way Katy talked about feeling like what if this is where her life peaked at 19? I honestly feel the same way. I'm questioning everything. The idea that I knew what I wanted for 3 years and then when it came time to decide I froze what does it tell me? that I never really wanted it? I don't know. But for a while I did. and now what do I do?
Honestly I have always seen myself at college but doing what? I could see myself walking around college campus and talking to people but I never nailed down what I wanted to do. I am questioning myself now because I turn 20 in a few months and these are the last few months of my teenage life and I don't want to look back a see a confused girl, which is what I am, another reason I am questioning myself is after going to a friends wedding and seeing my friends doing what they love and looking at my life and wondering if I will find what I love someday.
So today i am starting to look to find myself and what I love to do. From today I promise myself to open up to new experiences and open my mind to what I thought I knew and to what I now know.
I guess what I am trying to do is leave this phase behind me because I know this year has opened my mind already but I think its time to move on and find myself and be the person I always wanted to be.
